Moaning the Grass

I take pleasure in mowing the grass. To an extent it's calming. Simply cruising around on a riding mower requires very little work, at least not strenuous work. It gives the lawn a fresh new look and feel - a sleek groomed look if you will.  Mowing gives a sense of renewal.  The nasty has turned nice with a quick trip around on an engine with four wheels and a blade.  This is why I love mowing.  But I also hate mowing.

It's time consuming.  I spent three hours this evening mowing 1/3 of my mom's yard - 3 HOURS!  Think of all the fun things I could have done in three hours.  Brewed a batch of beer.  Watched a hockey game end in overtime.  Build a fort in the woods.  Work in the garden.  Write a blog post.  Make 135 paper airplanes.  Many, many things.

So I'm thinking to myself while mowing, and this is something I have pondered in the past, "why doesn't someone create a strain of grass seed that only grows 2-3 inches tall?"  If grass only grew to the same height that people normally cut their grass to, then there would be no need to mow the grass.  RIGHT?

So I did some research this evening after I laid New Edition down and Super Greeny and Little Winger went to bed.  Accompanied by a Fat Gary Brown Ale from East End Brewing in Pittsburgh that Nordo left after visiting the other day, I found some interesting stuff:

This is not necessarily what I was looking for, but if you're into the whole "little house on the prairie, Laura Ingles Wilder" effect then you can plant Eco-Lawn.  Eco-Lawn can grown in places where most grass cannot, it grows very little weeds, requires very little watering, and if you choose not to mow it actually looks decent.  Although this is not something you would want in a yard where kids need to play ball or ride big-wheels.

Then I found NoMowGrass.com which seemed self explanatory.  So it is indeed grass that does not need mowed, but merely because the grass grows sideways instead of up.  So because it lays flat, like shag carpeting, you can afford not to mow because it never looks "high," which is what gives us that sensation to mow in the first place.  I like the idea, I like the look:

But again, this ignores that fact that some people enjoy having the low cut "pitch" grass because of its versatility.  You aren't going to see Eco-Lawn or NoMow on any soccer fields.  It just doesn't work, and because Little Winger is slowly making the transition from "my little left handed winger" to "my little left footed winger," that is important to me.

There is this site (Less Lawn), which tries to persuade its readers to forgo grass altogether - not for me.

You could grown your lawn with only clovers, otherwise known as Xeriscaping.  This is a nice ecological choice for dryer climates because it requires less watering and maintenance - and although I would like to cut back on mowing, I STILL LIKE GRASS.   

How about artificial grass?  Very little work, but it's never going to "look" real, and I would assume that it would be subject to some weathering over the years.  Meaning you would be paying $10,000 - $15,000 to replace your lawn every 10 years or so.  Besides, I LIKE GRASS!

Maybe my scholarly Google research is failing me today but I could not find anything other than similar articles referring to the same ideas listed above.  There were a few articles from 2006 that made mention of "scientists currently working on" grass that only grows a few inches, but nothing since then - obviously confirming that it does not yet exist.

I'm all for it.  I'm against genetically modified foods, but I could care less about genetically modified weeds.  Make that grass that grows 2 inches, I'll effin buy it - and wear it proud.